New Girl
by LyricalKris
Summary: Living with three guys was never going to be without drama. Jasper and Emmett were easy, but Edward was a little harder to enjoy. Bella guessed he was hiding a secret behind that abrasive exterior, but then again, so was she. A collab with EveryDayBella.
1. New Girl

**Kris's A/N: Okay, so… Bella is a bad influence (Everydaybella, not Bella Bella). I can never let these plot bunnies go when she's there to write half the story. You know the drill. Small updates (1-2k). She's Bella (heheheh), I'm Edward, and this is what happens when we watch New Girl. Plot bunnies.**

**EDB's AN: I think that is the first time I was one called the "bad influence." LOL It's just such a great idea, how could you not want to give it a wirl? To be fair Kris, this is what happens when we wach anything. Plot Bunnies**.

**Kris's other A/N: A point. You has it. ANYWAY. This is inspired by the PREMISE of New Girl, but don't expect to see the plot point for point. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Neither of us is SM… I think.. Bella might be. I've never seen her… Hmmmmm.**

**EDB: (BAHAHAHA you so silly Kris.)**

* * *

"Ok, so, this is gonna sound kinda crazy, but I was raised to be honest, so here we go."

I think the three of them were in shock. That was probably going to get worse. I swear I don't plan these things, they just happen. Story of my life.

"So, I've been living with my friend, Charlotte, for years, but she's getting married so I have to find my own place. She mentioned that Jasper was looking for a roommate, but I swear I didn't know you were all guys. Not that I mind or anything. I just know it may be awkward for you and I don't want it to be that way."

_Shut up, Bella, shut up._ Way to make a great first impression, let my word vomit take over. As if I didn't look enough like a freak with my bright blue hair and inability to sit still. I might have been compared to a chihuahua once. Okay it was twice.

"My hair's not normally blue," I muttered, the silence making me even more nervous. "I made a bet with my kids that if they could all pass their tests, I would dye my hair. Needless to say, they did."

"You have kids?" the tall blond finally asked. Jasper and I had met before. He was a friend of Charlotte's fiance, Peter. I didn't know him very well, but he was a good guy. Still, I doubted he wanted to see a kid ruining his home.

"No. I teach second grade. I promise no kids coming home or anything."

See, this was why I had lived with friends my whole life. Meeting people you might end up living with and didn't know from Adam is just awkward. You need to seem normal and presentable, but at the same time, it didn't seem fair to not let them know about how incredibly odd you are.

"Do you have loud sex at inappropriate times, because that's my thing, and I don't really want to give it up." This was the big guy, Emmett, if I remembered correctly. If it weren't for his sparkling brown eyes, I might have been a little afraid of him. He was huge.

I blushed. "Ah, no, no loud sex. Is that a deal breaker?"

Emmett shrugged. "Naw, it's cool. Just fair warning."

"Right. Gotcha." Only one of them hadn't spoken yet and he was the one I was most nervous about. In the middle sat Edward Cullen. There was a striking amount of sadness in his eyes. The beautiful green orbs were jaded and irresistible. I could already tell he covered his sadness by being grumpy. His arms were crossed over his chest, and a frown sat permanently on his face. His expression was somewhere between pissed and bored. I found myself wanting to make him laugh just once.

"We're not seriously considering this, are we?" Admittedly, not great first words from him. "Can you imagine her living with us? I'd have to share the downstairs bathroom for god's sake."

"Edward, knowing your habits that might be a good thing. Have you looked in there lately? It's a mess." Jasper's words didn't instill any courage in me.

Edward shrugged. Apparently this was a normal discussion. "It's perfectly useable. Besides do you wanna give up your video games for chick flicks?"

"Well, no, but…"

"And Emmett, do you wanna give up farting?"

"I can't give up farting!"

"Well, if you let her move in, it's gonna happen. That's what happens when you live with girls."

"Um, excuse me?" I tried to fight it, but I was kinda pissed. I could understand that, for some reason, he was sad and grumpy, but that didn't mean he got to take it out on a me, a woman he had never even met. "This girl has a name, and it's Bella. As for all that, well... I'm not a clean freak myself so that's not so bad. I have my own TV, so if I want to watch chick flicks I can do it in my room, and I don't mind farting. I work with seven and eight year old boys. I can handle it."

Emmett began cackling. "Oh, she got you, Eddie. I like her."

Jasper's grey eyes were sparkling with excitement. "She's got a point, and we seriously need a roommate."

"Now, hold on." Edward's eyes got wider and wider. I wondered for a moment if he was scared or if he just didn't like me for some reason. Maybe it was the blue hair? Or my glasses? They were kinda big, but I liked them. "We're not this desperate yet, are we? I mean we don't even know her."

"The word you're looking for is 'Bella'. I am in the room, so the correct and polite noun is Bella." What was his problem?

"She's right, Edward. You're being rude." Jasper glared at his friend which only caused Edward to get grumpier. "I've met Bella a couple times, and she was great."

"Thank you."

"You are most welcome."

"You're laying it on a bit thick," Edward mumbled.

"Okay, I do have a question though. Why move in with us?" Emmett sounded almost concerned for my sanity, which I was beginning to doubt now as well. "I mean, surely you've got other friends you can stay with."

"Well, there's Rose, but she lives with a bunch of other models, and I really don't fit in there." Yes, I was that desperate. I would rather live with three guys I didn't know than with my best friend and her model roommates.

"Wait!" Emmett leaned forward to the edge of his seat, hanging on my every word. "_Other_ models?"

"As in…" Jasper joined Emmett.

"Yeah, Rose is a model."

Huh, what do you know, the magic words.

_**~Edward~**_

The minute the new girl was out the door, they started in on me.

"Dude, is it the sand?" Emmett asked.

"Is what the sand?"

"Is it the sand in your vagina that's got you so pissy? I mean, that's got to be uncomfortable. I guess I could excuse your being a dick for that."

I crossed my arms and glared at my brother. "I'll send her a gift basket. Can we move on?"

"I don't know. There might be nothing to talk about. You probably scared the hell out of her," Jasper said.

I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, biting back another sarcastic response. I knew I was being an asshole, and the girl-Bella, whatever-didn't deserve my bullshit. "What did you expect? You dropped this on me three minutes before she showed up, and you thought I was going to let it happen?"

"We're getting behind on the rent."

"I'm not debating that, Jazz. We need a roommate. I get it. I agree."

"Just not her."

"Not _any _her."

Emmett huffed. "I know you just broke up with Alice-_again- _but not every girl is as batshit insane as she is.

I flexed my fists at my side. They didn't understand about Alice. They couldn't. "Alice isn't crazy."

"Bro. She thought she knew the future."

I wasn't going to get into this argument. Not today. "That isn't the point. You don't need to have any special future-telling gift to see what's going to happen here."

"Enlighten us."

I shook my finger in their direction. "One of you assholes is going to fuck her, and it's going to end in drama."

Jasper and Emmett both laughed. "Is that what your problem is?" my brother asked. "We're all adults. This isn't high school where everything is the end of the world. Who's the drama queen now?"

"This is our home. You start something with this girl, you bring all that mess into our home. Alice may have been plenty of drama, but you never had to live with it."

"Says you. We-" Emmett started, but Jasper cut him off.

"Whatever. Don't start that again. I have an easy solution. Pact. Bella is off limits. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. We don't need to fish in our own tank."

"Why are you so set on her anyway?" I asked. I could already tell I was going to lose this fight. When Jasper was set on something, he had a habit of getting his way, even from me. That didn't mean I had to be a good sport about it.

"Because she's vetted. You want to talk about drama at home? We've all heard the bad roommate nightmares- what can happen when you put an ad on Craigslist. Peter loves this girl, and you know what a bastard he can be about people. Charlotte says she's dependable. I've liked her the few times I've hung out with her, and if you'd remove the gigantic stick from your ass, I'm sure you'd come to at least tolerate her."

My teeth were gritted so hard, my jaw ached. "Fine. Whatever. But when it all ends in tears and screaming, I'm going to say I told you so."

"Great," Jasper said, ignoring the last bit as I knew he would. "I'll call her."

Emmett clapped my shoulder. "Cheer up. What's the worst that can happen?"

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**A/N: Hugs and love to Barburella and songster! Catch you next time. **


	2. Move In Day

**A/N: Ok, I am completely blown away by the reaction this story. Thank you everyone your reviews/follows/favorites. So excited you're giving our little story a chance.**

**Just a quick word, our other story, LARP and the Real Edward, is nominated for completed fic of Dec. Kris' story Dig is also nominated. So if you feel so inclined to vote for us **** / 2014 / 01 / 01 / vote-for-your-top-ten-completed-fics-december-2013 /**

**Now, on with the story!**

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"Oh, come on Rose. Why do you do this to me?"

I was trying to juggle two large boxes, a planter, and a phone to my ear. I had to then walk up the steps into the house and then to the other side of said house. My new room was in the back, which I didn't mind, but I would have liked to have carried a little less. But then I would have to come back out to get the other boxes in my car. Damn the unending Seattle rain.

Rose was going to help me move in until she got a last minute call for a shoot. I didn't mind of course, it was good for her, but I would have appreciated the help. Or was it support?

Needless to say, I had been surprised when Jasper called just an hour and a half after I left their house. I thought for sure that Edward would never let me move in. He had seemed pretty much against the idea. Jasper assured me that wasn't the case and they were looking forward to me moving in. To to say I was trepidatious about the idea was an understatement. I mean, I would share the floor with Edward, with Jasper and Emmett upstairs. I had no idea how this was going to work, but I was out of options, so of course, I said yes.

Now that I was back here though, my stomach was full of butterflies. Living with people I didn't know was completely new to me. It was one of the reasons I had called Rosalie. She was good at telling me what I needed to hear and not letting me ignore it.

"Don't whine, Bella." Rose's dry voice drifted to my ear as I struggled to get everything out of my car. "I'm sure you'll be fine. Just don't slouch."

"I don't slouch."

"You slouch. I've seen you do it. Stand up straight and hold your head back. You'll have them eating out of your hand in no time."

"I'm not hot like you , Rose."

"You are beautiful, Bella, and don't you forget it. You'll be fine. Just smile and be yourself."

"I'm weird."

"You're charming. Now go get them. I've got to go."

"No, wait, Rose!" I was on the doorstep, trying to unlock the door and I lost my grip on the phone. I reached out to catch it, and in the process, the boxes became unsteady. I could just see everything crashing to the ground and my phone bursting into a million pieces.

I gave a startled cry as the first box began to fall. It was too late to catch it as I already trying to grab my phone. Why did these things always happen to me? At the last second, something flashed out to steady my boxes while I only just managed to grab my phone. I looked back up to find Emmett smiling. "You okay there, Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks." I felt myself blush, which only made me ramble. "Trust me, if that's the most clumsy thing you ever see me do, I'll count myself lucky."

"Aw, you're one of those that can't walk across a flat surface." There was a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "I'll make sure to pick up all the porn mags from the floor then. Can't have you tripping over them."

What was it Rose said? Stand up? "Porn mags? You still pay for porn?" Okay, not the best comeback ever.

Still, Emmett laughed. "I like you, Bella. Here let me help you with this stuff."

He took both boxes, and I opened the door. I was surprised to find the living room empty. I figured since it was the weekend, Jasper and Edward would be here playing video games or something. "Where is everyone?"

Emmett shrugged and carried my boxes toward the kitchen. "Jasper had to work this weekend. Something about Carmen and Eleazar having a date or whatever, so he's staying with the kids. Edward should be around here somewhere. You want something to drink?"

"Um, sure." I was not looking forward to unpacking, and this was only the first load. Any excuse to put it off would be used. I sat on the bar stool at the kitchen island and waited for Emmett to pull two bottles of water out of the refrigerator. "What does Jasper do anyway?"

"He's a nanny. Works with these two girls. It's kinda cute really. Jasper seems to enjoy it."

"That's awesome. He's a manny." I could easily picture calm, cool, collected Jasper as a nanny. "How did he start doing that? I mean, it wasn't what he planned on doing, was it?"

Emmett shrugged. "Yeah, it happened by accident. He went to an office party of mine where my boss brought her kid because she didn't have a babysitter. Jasper ended up with the kid and realized he was good it. Then he found Carmen and Eleazar and started working for them. Gets paid a good bit for it too."

"That's kinda awesome. So, what do you do?"

"Oh, a boring office job. Sales. Trust me, you don't want to hear about it."

That was strange. Admittedly, this was only the second time that I had talked to Emmett but I got the enthusiastic vibe from him about everything. Why then was he so flippant about his job? "Okay, then what you really like to do?"

His brown eyes twinkled. "In college I played a little ball, but I was never very good at it. It takes a lot to admit, Bella, and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell our roommates that I said that."

"My lips are sealed. Go on."

"Okay, well, in my senior year I started working with the coaching staff. That was fun, and I enjoyed it. It was too late to change my degree though."

"You could go back? I mean, if you really enjoyed it, why not?"

Emmett shrugged. "Eh, it's not a big deal. I've got a boring job, but it pays the bills. Could be worse."

I was going to ask him another question when Edward came around the corner. He was speaking softly into his phone, hissing almost. I wondered briefly who he was talking to, but then realized it was none of my business. I don't think he even knew we were in the kitchen until his green eyes flashed up and landed on me. I wanted to believe I imagined the annoyance that entered his face briefly before he turned on his heel and walked away.

I heard Emmett sigh and felt my face turn red again.

"Emmett, can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Um, why does your brother not like me?"

Emmett sighed again and appeared to trying to choose his words. "Edward doesn't not like you. It's not my story to tell, but he's been through some shit. He doesn't like things changing. Just give him some time. He'll come around. I know it doesn't seem like it, but he really is a good guy."

I could believe him. Edward tried to hide it, but there was no disguising the sadness in his eyes. I knew better than anyone what sadness did a person.

"Okay, well, I've got two boxes to unpack, plus several more to come, so I should go get to work. Thanks for the drink."

"Anytime." Emmett smiled, the dimples in his cheeks becoming even more apparent. "If you need anything I'll be upstairs. Hollar."

"Thanks, Emmett." I grabbed my boxes and trudged off to my room. Work did a mind good, my father had always told me. Well, there was no time like the present.

* * *

**Hum, how very interesting. I wonder what that could mean. **

**Have a wonderful New Year and enjoy your football or, if you are awesome like me, your hockey. Hehehe**


	3. Indecent Exposure

**A/N: Okay so, clarification. Bella is written by EveryDayBella. She's the hockey nut. Kris abhors hockey. But EDB has a story with a hockeyward so maybe you hockey nuts outta check that out, eh?**

**Onward!**

* * *

It was late when I walked in the door. Well, late for me. Since I was a bartender, my internal clock was screwy. It was only early afternoon, but because I hadn't been to bed yet, I was screwed. I just wanted my bed and a few hours sleep.

I'd barely stepped a foot in the door when I found myself flying forward, my arms waving wildly. Faceplanting was just what I needed to make my day better. With a groan, I rolled onto my back and looked to see what I'd gotten my leg tangled in.

Bags. Two bags. I glared at them because they had been there in the foyer when I left the night before. Irritation creeped up my spine, and I gritted my teeth. I'd given the new girl the benefit of the doubt. When I saw the bags there last night, I hadn't said a word. I was trying to be good-at least good enough for Emmett and Jasper to get off my back.

It wasn't like we lived in pristine conditions. We were three guys, and none of us were neatniks, but we all seemed to have mastered the art of keeping our controlled chaos to our own rooms. Bella, apparently, was deficient in that department.

I climbed to my feet, still glaring at the bags as though I could get them to apologize. When they didn't answer, I toed them, peering in at the contents. I wasn't trying to snoop. Like I said, I was trying to be good, and I couldn't go accusing the new girl of leaving her crap all over the place only to have it turn out to be one of the guy's. Or if it was hers, it was just a good idea to know what was in it. What if she'd left something perishable like milk or something that would stink up the place. That would be just my luck.

The first bag held a few basics. Shampoo, conditioner, shaving gel. Definitely not Jasper or Emmett's bag then. Even though I knew it was Bella's now, I still looked in the second bag. I don't know why. It seemed like the thing to do. I regretted it.

What was it about underwear that was so personal? It was just scraps of fabric. It wasn't as though they were _on _her. And they weren't particularly enticing as underwear went. Plain cotton in various colors and patterns. Nothing lacy or scandalous.

I liked simple.

But that was beside the point. The sight of them had me blushing like a schoolboy who found his first porno mag. That irritated me even more. Who left a bag full of panties out on the foyer?

In a huff, I grabbed up the bags and marched toward the hallway with intent. I'd leave the damn things outside her door. That wasn't rude, right?

As I rounded the corner into the hallway, I ran into a solid body. Arms went flying. Bags went flying. Panties went flying. It all happened very fast. Bella, clad only in a towel, her hair hanging down soaking wet, bounced off me. Since the wood floor was wet from her hair, she slid. The towel fell. Reacting automatically, I reached out and pulled her toward me. We landed in a heap - a soaking wet, very naked girl and me amidst a pile of panties.

Yeah.

Bella sat up first, her hands on my chest instead of hers. "Um. I, uh," she stumbled. "Good catch?"

Her breasts were glorious. Small and perky and-

What? They were right there and, like I said, glorious, and, "Can you please put those away? For fuck's sake."

Her expression was confused. She looked down at her breasts and gasped as if she'd just realized they were there. "Oh, shit." She rolled away from him and grabbed at her discarded towel, pulling it up to her chest.

"What the hell are you doing wandering around here half-naked?" Yeah I was pissed. The towel she was carrying wasn't covering nearly enough of her, and I was all wet and she was all wet and it was just a distracting situation and god dammit, I couldn't get her perfect tits out of my head.

"I, um…" She got to her feet. "I was taking a shower, and-" She turned halfway around, gesturing back at the bathroom, and I cut her off.

"Whoa. Hey." Yeah. Nice firm ass.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry." She laughed nervously and adjusted the towel around herself more properly. "Christ, this is awkward, right? I mean, you've seen my naughty bits. Maybe you should flash me yours."

She was trying to joke with me. I knew she was, but fuck if that comment didn't go straight to my dick. My mind was blank white.

Her grin fell. "Right. Okay. I'm picking the lukewarm vibe for your sense of humor so…" She cleared her throat. "Sorry. I didn't think anyone was home. I left my stuff out-"

"Yeah. I noticed when I fell on my ass. It seems to be happening a lot today."

She sighed. It was an exasperated sound. "Yeah, okay, bud, I get it. I suck." She stooped to grab her shampoo and conditioner. "I'll clean this all up in a minute."

Before I could react, she'd whirled around and disappeared back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I winced at the sound.

"Fuck."

_**~0~ **_

I had every intention of apologizing. I really did. It was just that immediately after our little spat, I decided I was too tired and cranky to think straight. What good would an apology do if I just fucked it up with my irritation?

So I went to sleep, and when I got up, Bella wasn't there. And when I came home, Bella was asleep. And when I got up Bella wasn't there, and so on and so forth until a week and a half had passed.

That, in and of itself, was odd. The first few days it was just happenstance and different schedules that kept us from running into each other, but after a week and a half? No. She was avoiding me, and who could blame her?

One night I got home later than usual from the bar. It had been a bad night. I was covered, _covered, _in booze and man-sweat from the guy who'd tried to pick a fight with me. My job wasn't glamorous by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn't usually too gruesome. A couple times a year maybe, some asshole would get, well, asshole-y and I ended up covered in something nasty.

Well, at least it wasn't vomit this time.

I trudged to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I stripped out of every single article of clothing I had on, but before I got in the shower, I leaned on the counter. I was beat. It was that level of exhaustion where when you stopped moving for even a second, you had to convince yourself to start up again. I took a few deep breaths.

Before I could move, the door opened. "Oh God!"

I whirled around without thinking and found myself facing a wide-eyed, red-faced Bella. She jumped, and her eyes zeroed in low on my body.

You know, I had asked myself several times how she could have forogotten-for those first few seconds after we'd collided a week and a half ago-she was naked and not even bothered to try covering herself up. The answer was shock, because I didn't try to cover myself up either. I just watched in horror as her eyes did this widening, narrowing, widening thing, and then…

She giggled.

Bella clapped a hand over her mouth to smother her laugh as she looked back up at my eyes and I snatched my shirt up off the ground to cover myself. "I'm sorry," she said. "I-"

"Christ, do you do this shit on purpose?"

"Uh, uh… Well, goodnight."

And then she was gone again, the door closing behind her.

"Fuck!"

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**A/N: Many thanks to barburella and songster!**


	4. Antagonize Me

**Kris's A/N: I meant to tell you last time. I know this is listed as a drama, and it is. But ya know, also a little bit of comedy. It's a … dramedy. Or something. A tee hee.**

**EDB's A/N: Not the way I planned for this chapter to go. Hopefully it's still enjoyable.**

* * *

I swear I didn't plan these things. I know he accused me of it, but I didn't.

Bad enough he saw me naked. Bad enough he saw every pair of panties that I owned. Bad enough he thought I was a complete idiot. I just had to walk into the bathroom and see him naked.

Then I giggled.

I giggled.

I fucking giggled.

Why did I giggle!?

I just didn't expect it. I thought he wouldn't be home, or he would be in bed. I had done a good job of avoiding him. I had gotten the message loud and clear. He didn't like me. He wanted nothing to do with me. I wasn't going to make him be around me. He had been here first, and so I just stayed away when I knew he was home.

_Good job, Bella. Try to avoid him and just walk in on him naked. _

I softly hit my head against the back of my door. I couldn't stay in here forever. I'd already been locked in my room for eighteen hours. For one, I really had to go to the bathroom, and for another, I had run out of food in my room. Everything else I needed was in the kitchen, and it was Edward's day off. I really didn't want to run into him. I flirted with the idea of calling Emmett or Jasper and asking them to bring me some food, but then they would want to know what was going on.

I really, really didn't want Emmett to know what had happened.

I took a deep breath. I could do this. I may have been a coward, but I wasn't going to be able to stay in here forever. I just had to be quick. It had been eighteen hours since the incident. Maybe he wouldn't mention it. Maybe we could move on with our lives.

I counted to three and cracked my door open. I may have been a coward, but who wouldn't be in my situation? I lived with someone who didn't like me and things have been so awkward. I heard noise coming from the living room, but there was no one in the hall. I darted out the door to the bathroom.

After that it was harder. I snuck around the corner to find Emmett and Jasper playing some video game. Edward was nowhere to be seen, so I stepped around and made an appearance.

"Bella!" Emmett cheered my arrival without looking away from the screen. "Where you been? I was wondering if you'd died in there."

"No. Still here. I think I'm a little under the weather though. Don't want to get anyone sick." I was a terrible liar, so I made sure not to look them in the eyes. "I'm just gonna grab something to eat and then go back to bed."

"You sure you're okay?" Jasper took more care, pausing the game and looking up at me. I didn't like that. Jasper was perceptive. He would see through me. "You need anything?"

"No, I'm good. Don't want to get anyone else sick." I turned on my heel, headed for the kitchen, and buried myself in the cabinet. "What are you guys playing?"

"Call of Duty." Emmett turned the game back on.

"Oh." I found a tv dinner, tossed it in the microwave, and wandered back out to watch Emmett and Jasper play. It was sort of interesting. I honestly had no idea what I was watching, but I was hypnotized by it.

I was shocked out of it when I heard the microwave timer go off. I spun on my heel to go get my food and ran into a wall of hard flesh. Fingers wrapped around elbows pulling me forward and keeping me on my feet and not my ass. It also kept me very close to a solid, warm body. His eyes were green and so close. Fucking hell. I would run into him.

He must have realized it at the same time that I did. A bolt of lightning shot through our connected skin. He released me, more in shock than anything I think, and I lost my footing. So much for not falling my ass. He huffed like he was disappointed and walked away like I had the plague.

"Oh, what the fuck now?" Emmett threw down his controler and turned to glare at the both of us. "Edward, get your dumb ass in here. We're dealing with this."

"What is your problem, Emmett?" Edward pouted like a put out child.

"Well, you've always been a grumpy old ass but this? You bumped into her and then you just walked away without another word? That's low man. Do you need help?"

I heard Edward sigh like he had been holding that breath since he had been born. "I'm fine, and it's none of your damn business."

"Fine, but we're still dealing with this. Tell Bella you're sorry."

"What! What the fuck for?"

"For being an insufferable dick."

I gigged. Damn it.

"Maybe I should take that as a comfort. It's not just my dick you giggle at. You giggle at dicks in general, even the word dick." He was looking at me; his green eyes were furious.

"Or maybe I was remembering your dick again." Shit. Shouldn't have said that. His cock was impressive. Damned impressive.

His eyes crinkled around the edges for a moment before disappearing. "Oh, really? I think maybe you have the maturity level of one of the kids in your class. Better figure that out or you are never going to get laid."

"I have had sex before you know."

"Why's he not around? You give him a complex?"

"Well, I don't see how any woman could ever put up with your smug superiority!"

"Smug superiority? I'm the one with smug superiority, Ms. Bella I'm-an-eclectic-second-grade-teacher Swan?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Whatever." Edward fumed in silence before finding his next point. "At least I had the common courtesy not to giggle at your tits."

"Oh grow up! It's not that great of a dick. Just because some guys think a woman isn't a woman unless she's bursting out of her bra… Don't put your self-consciousness about your dick on me."

There was a wicked spark in his eye and a devilish grin on his face. I groaned. _What now? _"So that's it. You liked my dick."

I snorted. "Like I would."

"You're blushing."

"It's a dick. You were naked. I blush easy."

He shrugged. "And you giggled. I didn't giggle at your tits."

"No, I think you drooled."

"They're fucking perfect. Take it as a complement."

"Screw you, Edward Cullen."

"Oh, you wish."

"No, _you_ wish, dickhead."

I stomped back down the hallway toward my room, and I heard him do the same.

There was a chorus of slamming doors and then total silence.

Through my door, I heard Jasper still in the living room. "Emmett, what the fuck did you do?"

* * *

**Ra' roh! **

**Much love to jessypt and barburella for their help! They are invaluable. **


	5. It's All Good

**A/N: We see. It's EDB's birthday! I love this girl, fyi.**

* * *

"This is unnecessary." I threw myself down on the couch with my arms crossed, studiously not looking at anyone. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have, at least not with my brother and Jasper in attendance. I owed Bella a multitude of apologies, but that didn't mean I wanted to be forced to say I was sorry.

"This is very important," Emmett said. "I don't see how we can get past this as roommates unless it's addressed."

"This is between me and Bella. I know-"

"Exactly," my brother interrupted. He sat on the coffee table, facing us. He had on his serious business face, and that threw me off. Emmett's serious business face meant he was about to spout anything but. "I've called you all here today to discuss this recent bout of nudity in our humble abode."

"Emmett," I said, because I knew where he was going with this now.

"No, no. This is serious." Emmett turned and reached out to take Bella's hands in his. I wanted to bat them away because it was entirely possible he was about to make the whole situation ten times worse. "Bella, we believe in equality in this house." He took a deep breath. "In the spirit of fairness… I think Jasper and I are going to have to see your boobs."

I rolled my eyes. Jasper snickered. Bella gently pulled her hands from Emmett's and took his face between them. "Oh, Emmett. No."

"What? Equality, Swan. We'll show you our junk. I've seen Edward's, so Edward can flash Jasper too. It'll all work out."

"I've seen Edward's junk," Jasper said matter-of-factly.

Bella turned to him, eyes wide. "Really?" Her eyes darted to me and back to Jasper again.

"Nothing exciting. It happens sometimes when you share a space," I said.

Her look turned colder and she cocked her eyebrow. "Just like that? You're nonchalant about Jasper seeing your goodies but not me?"

I raised my eyebrow right back at her. "He didn't giggle."

She narrowed her eyes. The room was dead silent. Then her lips began to shake and she giggled. It was the cutest little titter which she automatically smothered with her palm. "Ah, hell. Sorry."

I pretended to glare for another second before I grinned at her. "It's all good."

"I just have this inner monologue in my head sometimes, and it-"

"Bella. Really. It's all good."

She tilted her head and offered a tentative smile when she saw I was being serious.

"Okay. 's settled then," Emmett said. "So. About the boobs…"

~0~

We weren't okay. I knew that. I needed to apologize for being a dick, especially now that she'd apologized for giggling at my dick. Clearing the bad blood and all that because Emmett and Jasper adored the girl.

The problem was me. I knew it was. The problem was always me. Emmett and Jasper were used to me. They didn't understand, but that was okay. I was just me. Emmett loved me because we were brothers-and he was a damn good big brother even if he was a pain in the ass. Jasper had been around so long he may as well have been my brother.

Bella… Bella was an innocent. She deserved an apology, if not an explanation. The idea made me tired. Tired enough that my bed got too comfortable every time I thought I should get off my ass and talk to her. That was the nature of the beast.

One night, my night off, just I was trying to convince myself yet again to come talk to her, there was a knock on my door. "Come in."

The door opened slowly. I was expecting tall and broad. Instead, short and petite peered around my door. I shifted so I was sitting up with my feet on the ground instead of sprawled over my bed. "Hi."

"Hey." She creeped inside my door one foot, the other foot, and the first foot again as though she fully expected me to snap at her. She held a foil covered plate out like an offering.

"What's this?" I asked.

She crept a few steps closer and gave me a proud grin. "Look, I know you said it's all good, but I'm still sensing a cold front from this side of the house. So I made you these."

I sighed, feeling about as low as a snail. "You really didn't need to do this."

"Of course I didn't. But I want us to get along. They're cookies, but not just any cookies. See, this guarantees you can't be mad at me. These are the best cookies known to man. And I waited to make them until Jasper and Emmett were out of the house, so you only have to share if you want to."

My mouth started to water. "What are they?"

"Butterscotch apple cookies."

I had to laugh.

"What?" she asked.

"I don't like apples."

She balked. "What kind of freak doesn't like apples? I mean. Um-"

I laughed again because the expression on her face was...well.. adorable. "It's fine. More than fine, it's really sweet. Literally." I set the plate down. "You really didn't have to do that."

She shrugged and looked up at me with a tentative smile. "The thing is, I really like living here. I'm not sure how to explain it because it kind of feels like it should be a nightmare, right? Your brother… he can be a little much sometimes, but he's really sweet about it, you know? And Jasper. Jasper seems really intense, but it's because he's a lot deeper than most people. He sees a lot more. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah. That's Jasper."

"And then there's you."

"And then there's me." I rubbed the back of my head. "Look, it wasn't you. It was never you. I'm just an asshole, I guess, but that's not your fault."

"I don't think that's true."

I looked up at her. "You think it's your fault I'm an asshole?"

"No. I don't think you're an asshole."

I looked down and shook my head. "Man, I don't want to know what your life has been like that you set the bar so high for what makes an asshole. I've been a dick to you, Bella."

"Well, that much is true. You have exhibited assholish behavior. But I don't believe anyone is one thing." Too my surprise she reached out and touched me. It was just a brush of her fingertips along my arm, but it was so gentle it took me by surprise. I found myself looking into her soft eyes. "Look, I know we don't know each other, but I want to figure you out. And I don't mean that in a 'you're a puzzle wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a seven-layer-burrito' kind of way. I just mean… everyone has a story. Everyone has a good stuff and bad stuff." She wrinkled her nose. "Am I making any sense?"

I felt my lips curving upward, and I realized I was staring at her. Clearing my throat, I offered her my hand. "How about this. Let's start over. I'm Edward Cullen."

She slipped her hand in mine and squeezed as she shook. It was a firm handshake. "I'm Bella Swan."

"It's very nice to meet you, Bella Swan."

Funny. I didn't drop her hand right away like I should have.

Then again, neither did she.

* * *

**A/N: Guess he calmed down a bit.**

**Many thanks to songster!**


	6. Movie Night

**Kris's A/N: Good golly, Miss Molly. My apologies to anyone who doesn't like apples. If it's any consolation to you, I didn't mean it as a REAL insult. I don't like chocolate. That announcement is met by many reactions, not the least of which is "What's wrong with you?". It's all tongue in cheek, darlings. I suppose I'm just used to it, and I take no offense, so I meant no offense, savvy?**

**EDB's A/N: I thought it was funny. Besides I might do the same thing with this chapter. Oopies.**

* * *

Emmett was the one who came up with the bright idea "Let's go see a movie." I thought it was awesome. Who doesn't like seeing a movie on the big screen after all? The problem was we couldn't agree on the movie. Emmett wanted to see the latest action flick, Jasper was rooting for a war movie, and Edward wanted to see this indie movie about a folk singer. Emmett kept trying to goad me into picking a chick flick, but, except for a few, I didn't really like chick flicks. I didn't care anyways. Any movie was good with me.

With the three boys unable to agree however, and none of them of them willing give in, we decided to just go home and watch a movie there. With our multitude of dvds, blu-rays, and not to mention Netflix and Hulu subscriptions I didn't see how this was any better.

"Dude." Emmett groaned. "We are not watching _Saving Private Ryan_ again. How many times have you seen that fucking movie anyway?"

"I don't know. How many times have you seen _Die Hard_?" Jasper countered.

"_Die Hard_ is the greatest movie ever made."

"Oh please. _Die Hard _isn't within the top hundred movies made."

I tuned them out as they continued to bicker. Movie tastes were way too subjective for four people to agree on one.

Edward was flipping through the pages of my dvd binder with half a smirk on his lips.

"What's so funny now?" Over the last week, we had gotten along better, and I'd learned Edward had a wicked sense of humor. It was a little biting at times, but he didn't mean to be rude no matter what he said about being an asshole.

"Just you. I can't figure you out." He laughed as he turned page after page. "I have never known any girl who can go from _The Avengers_, to _Pretty Woman_, to Kenneth Branagh's film production of _Hamlet_. I thought my mother was the only who watched that."

"Have you ever seen Robin Williams doing Shakespeare? It's the greatest thing on Earth. I have the David Tennant's version too."

"I noticed." His green eyes sparked with amusement. "Wouldn't it be easier to pick one?"

"People who like one thing are boring." I shrugged. "I like complication. It makes things more interesting."

"It makes things more difficult," Edward muttered.

"Says the pot calling the kettle black."

"Touché."

With Emmett and Jasper still arguing, Edward and I made an executive decision, picked a movie, and ordered Emmett and Jasper to the living room.

Emmett, Jasper, and I squished on the couch with Edward on a nearby armchair. We shared popcorn and enjoyed watching a bunch of superheroes beat the living hell out of each other.

We were almost halfway through the movie when we began comparing each each other to the characters on screen.

"Emmett is clearly Thor." I muttered around a mouthful of popcorn.

"What? No Emmett is the Hulk." Jasper grinned. "Look at him. All we'd need to do is paint him green."

"I think I found some green paint in the garage."

"I hate to break it to the both of you." Edward almost sounded bored, but I didn't miss the smug superiority in his tone either. "But Emmett is clearly Iron Man."

"Iron Man? How?"

Edward held up his fingers, ticking them off one by one. "First, Iron Man has a terrible history with women."

"I wouldn't start with that Little Brother."

"Two, Iron Man drinks far too much."

"I can stop anytime I want to."

"Three, Iron Man is overconfident and far too smart for his own good."

"Yeah? Well then you're Loki, 'cause you're an asshole."

"Loki isn't an asshole. He's damaged." To be honest I'm not quite sure if I was defending Loki or Edward.

Emmett snorted. "Loki tries to take over the world, kills thousands of people and you call him damaged?"

"I didn't say he wasn't guilty, just that he didn't have the best upbringing and that caused some of his problems. I wouldn't want to be raised by Odin."

"Okay, so..." Jasper eased into the role of peacemaker just as he always did. "For obvious reasons, Emmett is Iron Man and Edward is Loki. Who are Bella and I?"

They mulled it over for several seconds before Emmett found the appropriate pairing. "Clearly Jasper is Hawkeye."

"Hawkeye? Why the fuck am I Hawkeye?"

"Because you're pretty and pretty much useless."

"Emmett." I let my best teacher voice come out. I understand the guys ragging on each other, but sometimes they took it a little too far. I had taken it upon myself to correct them in those instances. "That wasn't very nice."

"Aw, he knows I love him." Emmett waved me off. "Now who is she?"

"She's Captain America." Edward didn't take his eyes off the screen, but I felt like he was looking at me. "All heart and spunk, yet still manages to kick ass."

"Did you just compliment her?" Emmett and Jasper each began to tease Edward, but I tuned them out. I was still in awe of what he had said. My cheeks turned red, and I found I couldn't look at him. I had no idea what to make of that.

The movie ended, and Edward and Jasper went to bed. Emmett went to get some more food and I put in the next movie.

"What are you watching?" he asked as he wandered back in.

"_Pretty Woman_."

He glanced down the hallway toward Edward's room and up the stairs toward Jasper's before sitting next to me. "If you tell anyone I watched this and enjoyed it, I will fart in your bed."

"My lips are sealed."

* * *

**Much love to songster for her help!**

**Alright, how's everyone doing so far?**


	7. Good Idea?

**A/N: Hellllllloooooo. How ya doin, kids? Good? Yeah? Let's continue.**

* * *

"I had a dream."

I held my breath and closed my eyes, glad we were on the phone so she didn't see. Alice hated when I made the face I knew I was making. Her dreams came in two flavors: wishful thinking and full on panic mode. It wasn't so much that Alice's dreams were prophetic as it was she believed they could be.

"I know you're making that face, Edward Cullen."

"I'm sorry. Your dream. Continue."

"It was simple, really. We were all hanging out. You, me, and the boys. They liked me. Emmett hugged me and Jasper… Well, that's another story."

Right. Wishful thinking. My heart twisted for her. Every time I tried to get Emmett and Jasper to see what a great person she was, something went terribly wrong. Alice didn't help matters, that was true, but still, it broke my heart. "They would like you if they got to know you. It's just…"

"The excessive drinking and my, uh, flare?" Her voice was tired, and I could hear the pain in each word. Alice was lonely.

"They just don't understand you," I said.

"Yeah. No one does. No one but you." Her voice was thin, but she cleared her throat and went on. "Anyway. Speaking of you. There was something else about my dream."

"What's that?"

"You were on the phone."

"While you were visiting? That's awfully rude of me."

"You know how dreams work. I just knew you were on the phone with your girlfriend."

"Oh, right. Her. I seem to have misplaced her permanently."

"You were happy, Edward. Like insanely happy. I saw it in your eyes. And your smile. Fuck. I've never seen you smile like that."

I sighed. "You still haven't, Alice."

"But I will. I believe this one. It's how it was meant to be. The boys were meant to be friends with me. That's how it was supposed to go. And you should be happy. You deserve it."

"You deserve it too, you know."

Alice hummed. She knew if she said she didn't believe me, I'd just have to argue with her. "So how are things with the new girl?" she asked, changing the subject.

I clucked at my phone. "She's hardly new anymore, Alice. She's lived here for five months now."

"My, my, my. The time does fly. So how are things with the not-so-new girl? Have Frick and Frack boned her yet?"

Even though I knew she was kidding-mostly-the question still irritated me. "I'd hope she had better taste than that." Though she and my brother were awfully chummy lately. I frowned and wondered if I should be checking to make sure he wasn't getting too close, as per our agreement. Emmett wasn't good at impulse control.

"What taste do you think she should have?"

"That's not the point. I'm trying to ask for your help, Alice."

"Me help you. That's a novel idea. I'm all ears."

"New girl…" I rolled my eyes. Alice's insistence in not calling Bella by her name had rubbed off on me. "Bella's birthday is this month. I need gift ideas, and you're good at that. I was an ass to her for a while, so I'd like to make it special."

"Oooh. Is she having a party?"

"No. She said she doesn't like parties. She doesn't like the attention."

Alice was silent for a handful of seconds. "This woman's hair was electric blue when you met, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Then she can't possibly mind attention that much. Everybody says they don't want attention, but that's a load of crap. We all like to feel special now and again. I like feeling special every day." She squeaked. "Edward, I know! You can throw her a party."

"What? Are you insane?"

"Debatable, but that's not the point." I could hear the excitement mounting in her tone. "No, this is a great idea. You should throw her a party."

It was good to hear the smile in her voice, but I wasn't sold on the idea. "No way, Alice. I've never thrown a party."

"Well then we can cross it off the bucket list. Besides, you won't have to do much except finance it. I can put it all together. Like you said, I'm good at this kind of stuff. Why _not _a party? We'll do something fancy. Themed."

"Her birthday is in less than two weeks."

"Pffft. I can pull it off. Come on. It'll be fun. And we can kill two birds with one stone. If I throw a kick-ass party with you, Emmett and Jasper can't hate me anymore. I'll be moved up the ladder to mild dislike."

"They don't hate you."

"What. Ever. You and I both know I need some points in my corner when it comes to them. That's all I'm saying."

A little voice in my head was screaming that this was a bad, bad, bad idea. But Alice begged, and it had been a long time since either of us had done anything social. Emmett and Jasper were constantly trying to get me to go out. This might get them off my back for a month or two at least. Plus, if nothing else, Bella would appreciate the effort. She was the type. Even if Alice was wrong and she did hate all forms of attention, she was a 'it's the thought that counts' type of person.

What could possibly go wrong?

_**~0~**_

Emmett and Jasper thought it was a great idea. They started drawing up a guest list the minute I told them. I was confused until I realized what they were doing. They were listing all our friends who were single. Apparently, they thought setting Bella up was a great present.

I supposed I should be grateful they were keeping to their word about not trying to get in her pants themselves, but it bugged me.

After them, I told Peter and Charlotte. They were thrilled. Of course, they had been doing that dance for the last five months where they talked about how we really all had to get together sometime but we never did. This would fill their quota until the wedding.

Then I called Bella's best friend, Rosalie.

I'd been gone at the bar or otherwise occupied the few times Rosalie stopped over, so I'd never met her. Emmett was borderline obsessed. He asked Bella how "Rosy" was doing almost before he asked how her day had been. Jasper said she was a bitch, but Jasper was also the kind of person for whom the title of bitch came with a degree of admiration.

She answered the phone with a curt, "Who is this?"

"Um. My name is Edward Cullen, I'm-"

"Bella's forlorn, brooding, mysterious roommate. I almost thought they'd all made you up for funsies. They said you existed, but you know, five months is a long time to go without meeting someone my best friend lives with."

"I do exist."

"So it seems. How did you get this number?"

"I…" This wasn't going to go well. "I stole Bella's phone for a minute."

There was what could only be described as cold silence on the other end of the line. "You stole her phone? That's really creepy and stalkerish."

"Whoa. It was for a good cause." Jeez. Well, at least she was protective, I guess?

I outlined the plan for Rosalie so she wouldn't call the police, and she burst out laughing. "A party for Bella. Well… that should be an entertaining evening."

"You're her best friend. If you think she'll hate it…"

"She will turn beet red, but she'll forgive you, and she might even have a good time despite herself." Rosalie laughed again. "Yeah, yeah. I'll give you some numbers. Bella attracts some, uh… interesting people, so be sure you're ready for that."

I felt satisfied with myself when I had gained Rosalie's stamp of approval. All that was left was to try to rein Alice in.

What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much to songster and barburella and my cohort, Bella.**

**Sooo. Party. This should go smoothly, right?**


	8. It's My Party and I'll WHAT if I Want To

**A/N: Hello loverlies! So, I know it's been a while. So, so, so sorry. I had a rough couple of weeks. Back now though and this chapter is the longest yet! Woot woot!**

* * *

I had always hated parties. My mother used to throw them for me every year, and I had to invite every kid from my class. They always ended up too big and too loud. I preferred to stay home and have a nice quiet night.

So imagine how I felt when I opened the door to a loud chorus of "Surprise!"

I almost died of embarrassment.

After I got past the shock though, it wasn't all bad. The house was full but not overflowing. Jasper and Emmett made a point of introducing me to anyone I didn't know. Evidently Alistair was a bit of a punk rocker and dyed his hair blue once, Felix had two kids but wasn't with their mothers, and Dimitri was apparently a very talented masseur. I was pretty certain my roommates were trying to set me up.

Charlotte of course wanted to know how it was living with the boys. I told her it was great and made sure not to mention Edward's and my rocky start.

It felt like hours before I was able to relax which was why I didn't like parties. I was a wallflower. I didn't want to be the center of attention. Falling onto the couch between Emmett and Jasper was as close as it was going to get to disappearing.

"Where's Rosie?" Emmett asked.

I shrugged. "Not quite sure. You know she hates that name right?"

"Yeah, she told me. It's just too perfect for her." The constant amusement that I expected was still in his eyes, but there was something new as well. Something quiet, gentle, and filled with longing. Was Emmett falling for Rosalie? "Besides, Rosalie is a mouthful and Rose is just too common."

I grinned. Emmett wouldn't be the first one to fall for Rosalie's good looks. I kinda wanted him to get to know Rosalie just to see if he could handle her. He would be the first of her boyfriends I had liked. "Well, then maybe you should go find her. She could probably use some help keeping away from Mike. He doesn't know how to take a no."

Mike was a friend of mine. We met a coffee bar. He was a spoken word artist who specialized in erotic art. Rose thought he was creepy. I thought he was amusing.

"Okay, I've been wondering, who is that?" I subtly nodded toward the kitchen where there was short, dark haired woman. I'd noticed her earlier but didn't recognize her. She seemed to stay pretty close to Edward, and I had noticed Emmett and Jasper go out of their way avoid her. That annoyed me. It seemed a little rude.

"Oh, that's Alice," Jasper muttered.

"Alice? Edward's ex-girlfriend Alice?"

"Yeah. More like on-again, off-again." Emmett rolled his eyes. "Don't know what he sees in her."

"What? She seems nice." She had smiled most of the night, although she still looked a little sad. Like she didn't quite belong. I could empathize with that.

"Yeah, she's nice enough." Jasper's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "But she's crazy."

"Oh, come on, she can't be that bad."

"B, she's crazy." I was a little uncomfortable with how gossipy this had gotten, but that didn't stop me from hanging on every word Emmett said. "She thinks she can see the future, and I'm not even kidding. She says she has dreams and they happen. I don't understand why Edward keeps going back to her."

"They've know each other since college, and they've been through a lot. It makes sense." Jasper defended Edward, but I could still hear the edge of uncertainty in his voice. "Honestly, just leave her be. Trust us."

I rolled my eyes. I loved the two of them like brothers, but they were being rude and a little petty. Alice couldn't have been that crazy. Besides she wouldn't be any crazier than some of my other friends. "Well, it's my party, and I'm going to say hi."

I elbowed Emmett before I stood up. "Rosalie is over there and she looks bored. It's never good when Rosalie is bored."

I went to meet Alice if for no other reason than no one else was being nice to her. It was my party, and no one was going to feel unwanted at my party.

Edward grinned at me when I made it across the room. I didn't quite understand why my stomach fluttered at the sight. I wasn't going to think about it.

"Hey, so do you like it?" he asked, his cheeks turning a light pink. It was adorable.

"It's great. Took me a little while to get used to it, but yeah, it's not so bad. I can't believe you and the guys managed to get all this done."

"Oh, well, it wasn't us. Um." His green eyes darted to the side before he grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. I almost jumped when I felt fingers wrap around my elbow but managed to keep my composure. What the hell was wrong with me?

I was easily distracted but Edward didn't seem to notice. "Bella, this is Alice. She did most of the planning and gave me the idea in the first place. Alice, meet Bella."

Alice smiled, but I didn't miss the dark bags under her eyes. She looked bone weary. I wanted to hug her, offer her a cup of Sleepytime tea, and tuck her into bed. I had to hand it to her though; she was still standing there, with a real smile on her face. She had some back bone.

"Oh, so you're the new girl."

"Um, new girl?"

"Um, yeah, that's my fault." Edward gave me a sheepish grin. "I, uh, didn't use your name for a long time. It kinda stuck. Sorry."

"No, it's fine." I'd never had a nickname before. Besides I knew Edward didn't mind me now. It was sweet in a way. "So, what do you do, Alice?"

"Oh, um." She looked a little surprised that I had asked her. "I work at a daycare."

"Awesome. What ages?"

"Twos and threes."

Alice proved to be a wonderful conversationalist. We spent about twenty minutes talking about kids, teaching techniques, and everything in between. She was smart, funny, and seemed to really care. I didn't know what the guys were talking about. She wasn't stupid; she wasn't an idiot. Some of her mannerisms were a little odd for sure but they weren't so bad that you couldn't get look past it.

One of the things I did notice was her alcohol intake. I felt a little sorry for Edward since the later it got, the more she drank, and the harder it was to keep her from doing something stupid.

Much later in the night, just as I was starting to loosen up, Rose dragged me onto the improvised dance floor in the middle of our living room. I hated dancing. I had no rhythm, and I looked a seal on land, but I was enjoying myself. Besides which, next to Rosalie no one was going to be looking at me.

The funky opening beat to Macklemore's _Thrift Shop_ played and Rosalie groaned and giggled. She had a love/hate relationship with _Thrift Shop_. I personally loved it. It made me laugh and personified my own unique style.

Apparently I wasn't the only one. Alice squealed and ran from where she and Edward had been by the drinks to the dance floor. There she began dancing, if that was what you could call it. Every move was over-exaggerated. Her arms and legs seemed to go everywhere. I noticed some people staring and snickering, but she didn't seem to notice. She just kept doing her thing.

I caught a glimpse of Edward. He was pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. His lips were turned down in a frown, but the edges where threatening to turn up in a begrudging smile. It was cute look on his normally dower face, but I still felt my heart skip a beat. Something was fixing to go wrong.

I had one guess.

I got proved right just moments later.

Alice pulled her jacket off first followed by her shoes. Couldn't really blame her for those. It was when she pulled her shirt off leaving just an admittedly cute bright green bra that things got a little awkward. I mean, no one expected someone to strip at my surprise party. Alice didn't even seem to notice what she was doing.

It was when I caught several people pointing and laughing that I decided to do something. So Alice was stripping, big deal. That didn't mean that you had to make fun of her. Objectively, she was kinda cute. If I had swung that way, I probably would have hit on her.

Regardless, I wanted to get the attention off of her so I did the first thing that came to mind. I moved next to her and pulled my own shirt off. I purposely ignored our audience and shimmied and shook with Alice. After we loosened up, everyone started cheering us on. Who doesn't like dancing topless women? To be strictly honest it was kinda fun. Awkward, but fun.

Yes that's right, I stripped at my own surprise party. And I liked it.

* * *

**Muchos, muchos love to my Kris. She's a rock star and everything. Also to songster and barburella.**

**Kris's random A/N: Hey cats and kittens. Random question here. Are any of you interested in prereading for a Charlie/Alice angsty multi-chap? My pre-readers are understandably a bit nauseous at the idea. Let me know! Kisses!**


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